Today

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This is the first post in a two-part series. Next week Ana will be sharing her own thoughts on sickness and identity.

I’d been sharing my feelings with you all my life—all my life.
But now I don’t know you anymore, and you don’t know me. I guess that’s life—guess that’s life.

We bond over simple things,
Like children holding hands.
We talk about music, blogs,
And things you said.

Maybe you still see me as a child inside.
And that’s not dead.
But I’m a new person when you come back
From traveling through sickness.
The world has changed.

I was the child stuck in between the past and future.
I guess that’s how I feel in every season.
And now I’m afraid of drowning here.

You survived.
I’m in between.
You’re alive.
What have you seen?

Sister, should I say through tears that I have missed you?

I’ve been; I’ve seen you, every step of the way.
But it was seeing through glass, reality TV, watching a movie.
But somehow that movie was a part of me.

I say I love personal history.
Just watch me caress my scars.
But have I lost the present in my fear?
Have my eyes left the Earth to chase the stars?

You are beautiful.
You are right here now.
You are still youthful.
I am still a child.

But we’re both so different
From the last time I touched you,
Felt your tears wash over my fingers.

We were both younger.
I want to re-meet.

My heart tugs–gravity–
A brotherly longing.
A desire. A hunger.
Let me re-meet you in another world.
In today’s world.

7 Replies to “Today”

  1. Jason, first we miss you and I miss you and your family! Hope and pray all is well with you and you are rockin’ your studies.

    Second, how beautifully vulnerable and honest. It is always difficult to put your heart out there especially artistically. Keep doing it.

    Third, I look forward to hearing from Ana. It is wonderful when families share with everyone the “good” family times but there is much hope and healing when families talk openly about the hard and impossible times they have been through or are going through.

    Great job!

  2. Aww Jace! So beautiful, so vulnerable, so real. And that’s what reached out and made me cry as I read this. I know the Lord isn’t finished writing this your family’s story and it’s ending is going to make all our jaws drop at His goodness. Love you my dear boy!

  3. Jace!!! 😢 This is so sad yet so beautiful! I pray that Ana will one day be completely healed. It’s hard for me to think how different she is now than before she got sick, and I didn’t even know her! I’m so sorry for you all!

    Your friend,
    Erin

    PS Brett is so amazing! Ana’s a lucky girl. 🙂

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