I have made another mistake.
I have taken another step back,
From the ocean that is Your love.
The sand grinds between my toes.
Grit sticks to my soles, it’s everywhere.
Sin is stuck to my soul, it’s everything.
Gentle waves rush up to touch me.
Brief encounters with what I want.
They lap at my feet, cleaning me.
Then the waves recede and I am left dry,
Thirsty for more than salty tears I cry.
The ocean is there, ready for me.
But I’m scared.
Scared of never coming back to land.
I need to retrieve to what is comfortable.
The ocean is so close to me.
I’m burying myself in what I hate.
I can’t breath.
I’ve been running a parallel course.
The sand drags down my feet.
I have moments of joy,
When I reach for the next stride,
But then I am held down again.
Can I afford to swallow my pride?
And let myself run in the shallows?
The bright sun of creation itself shines,
It reflects on the ocean, bouncing around.
My feet burn in the heat.
Salt and light fill my senses.
My sweat drips from my hair,
I cannot breath.
At least I try, is that fair?
I try to reach, I try to deny, I try to love.
But I forget.
Forget the life that is in the water.
Sometimes I sit down in the sand,
Content to wait around for a while.
I let the occasional wave touch my knees.
Can’t ask for help, can’t say please.
I’m beginning to die away.
Like a gull I want to fly or stay.
Stare at the beauty but be ignorant.
These thousands of grains of sand,
They are my destiny.
I can’t count them but they hold on.
I hate them.
I force my feet to move and run.
Stumble forward into the water
The rough waves sweep over me.
I cannot stand; I am drowning.
I can breath.