Repentance

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You did exactly what you knew you shouldn’t have.
It’s too late;
You must confess anyway
So why not sin a little more?
It’s not that bad.
Get it all in,
Get it all out.

Given this guilty feeling—
It’s a gift.
You have to get fixed,
Not a fix.

Shooting some pics
So that no one can see,
Cuz they’re not the real thing.

Wishing you might make her see,
Flash her eyes your way,
When you just need to look to Him and pray.

Could Your feelings be a lie—
Trumped by truth?
Who you are called to be seems so vague and distant,
But that’s no excuse
Because you didn’t take the time to listen.
You weren’t bare before the Lord.

You’re barely scared before the Lord,
Clawing at false intimacy instead.
Fantasies of fondling and kissing,
But the truth of love is missing.

Patience, reaching out forever.
Kindness, bruised and bleeding on a tree.
But you just seek yourself,
Avoid the calling.

Somehow you like this feeling.
Live in a masquerade.
Pretend to be see-through.
Live the way that’s easy;
Mix the music and fade
Into self-acclaimed pain.
Why can’t you see a world that needs you?
Step into your place.

If you’d just say the truth,
Just believe,
You could be free.

Not an info-dump,
But a daily grind.
You were made to lead,
But can’t you see,
You’re destroying yourself;
And you’re destroying everyone else,
When you have responsibility.

You can’t live in a dream.
You can’t live in a nightmare.
Open your eyes to reality.
It doesn’t matter who you think you are.
It only matters what He thinks,
So take a drink
From the well.

Not polluted, broken cisterns.
Made up, foul passion.
He’s digging you out of that—-
Let go of it.
It’s sin.

You were made to live
Life like you never did—-
Like you never could imagine if it wasn’t for Him,
Like a fantasy, but it’s not a fantasy.
So why fantasize with open eyes
When those are really all lies.
They cannot satisfy.

But He satisfied the wrath of God,
So you could drink of Him.
Judgment is no longer how you think of Him.

Yes, He weeps and wails at your rejection.
He promises perfection, completion.
Instead, you run after infection, deletion.

Even that can’t change His promise.
No, what He’s started He’ll make whole—-
No matter what.

Even when you are Peter,
Even while you are running away,
Denying,
Lying,
And afraid,
Sinning too many times to count,
Trying to do it all without Him,
He still constantly reaches out.

“Follow. You follow. Will you follow?”

You feel so sick, disgusted.
Vomit on the bathroom floor.
But He sees glory.
A warrior prince.
Shining and noble and conquering.
Yes, with scars, but stronger because of them.

Call out to Him every day,
And He will give you a new heart every day.
To never go back.
Just let go and let Him act.

Never go back.

Wandering soul,
Wandering eyes,
Plead with Him to never go back.

8 Replies to “Repentance”

  1. This is amazing Jason. Thank you for writing this. It’s insane how much truth and beauty there is your poetry.

  2. Very good, Jason. You pierced through the outer protective layer of the flesh. Keep up the unveiling.

    Grampa Pete

  3. Three words went through my mind when I finished reading this.
    Raw.
    Real.
    Relentless.

    Thank You Jace for sharing and being all that. I praise Jesus for being all those things first for us. Keep it up Jace! ???

  4. Wow, Jace. You just described me down to the bone. This poem is amazingly raw and beautiful. Thanks for posting.

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